Photolog
|
|
Bitter, Lonely, Sad.
2008 February 14
I’ve seen two men in Seattle wearing capris. Straight men. Capris. Do you understand this crisis? We should all be concerned, it’s only a matter of time before this fashion trend rears its ugly head all across the country. Like hipsters that wear eyeglass frames sans lenses. See? Exactly. Pray. Word.
Tonight I’m attending The Stranger’s Valentine’s Day Bash:
Hosted by Dan Savage, this annual Stranger event offers a way for the brokenhearted to finally find closure—or at least exact revenge in front of a crowd of drunks. Past nights have seen blowtorched love letters, chopped houseplants, melted jewelry, and pissed-on photos of former lovers, among other things. Still smarting from being dumped? Looking for a way to dispose of a memento from a past relationship guilt-free? Bring it down to Neumo’s and have Savage do the deed for you in front of cheering others.
In other words, I am going to attend an event where people with serious issues pretend to move on with their past by exacting violence on mementos of relationships past. Yeah, clearly these are people you want to date. Personally, I prefer the tried-and-true method: collect all the ex’s shit and take it to Goodwill, smudge the space with sage, then have a drink. Possibly two, then a shag. No ex-Mormons, they’re all batshit crazy.
My point is, Happy Valentine’s Day. May your life be rich with full-length pants and devoid of former Mormons. Cheers.