Hello, my name is Jhames

When I was eight years old my mom gave me and my two younger siblings a movie option: we could either see Disney’s re-release of Bambi, or we could see Halloween III: Season of the Witch. We jumped up and down chanting the latter option like we children were witches dancing around a bonfire. Then we went to the theater and actually watched the movie, scenes of Halloween masks melting the faces of children and killers claiming their victims with a cordless drill to the head. Twenty-something years later, I’d like to apologize to the moviegoers who were subjected to my vocal protests during the movie: my mom had the power to veto and she was not about to see her money wasted on those tickets. To this day, the theme song from that movie gives me the shakes. We were not a normal … Continue reading →

This is my second attempt at baking bread. Before I had a chance to photograph my first attempt, Justin was already in the kitchen with a bread knife making quick work of the loaf I baked in a proper loaf pan. These loaves were permitted to sit on a cool rack long enough for me to snap this photo with my iPhone. Then Justin took to them with a bread knife. In all my years of cooking and baking, I had never attempted baking bread from scratch. I think it had everything to do with my mom baking whole wheat bread at home. No matter how amazing the bread smelled whilst baking, that loaf came out hard as a rock and resembled a similar density. I know that white flour is eschewed by all proper gay homes but baking with whole wheat flour just … Continue reading →

The idea of legalized marriage for gay and lesbian couples offends your sensitivities. Know what offends my sensitivities? People who wear UGGs and Crocs. People that can’t spell. People that can’t tell the difference between “your” and “you’re” Hipsters. Fucking hipsters. Corporate personhood. You claim that marriage is a union between one man and one woman. Fine. Have your sacred fucking union but give everyone the same rights afforded married couples. I’m pretty sure that a gay couple desiring power of attorney for each other in case of catastrophe is not going to destroy your sacred union. Please spare me your religious diatribes about gays being abominations of God. I’ve read the Bible enough to know that Christians have no problem picking and choosing passages to suit their needs. Self-entitlement abounds in Christianity, and one need look no further than so-called Christians who gossip, … Continue reading →