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Bitter, Lonely, Sad.
2008 February 14
I’ve seen two men in Seattle wearing capris. Straight men. Capris. Do you understand this crisis? We should all be concerned, it’s only a matter of time before this fashion trend rears its ugly head all across the country. Like hipsters that wear eyeglass frames sans lenses. See? Exactly. Pray. Word.
Tonight I’m attending The Stranger’s Valentine’s Day Bash:
Hosted by Dan Savage, this annual Stranger event offers a way for the brokenhearted to finally find closure—or at least exact revenge in front of a crowd of drunks. Past nights have seen blowtorched love letters, chopped houseplants, melted jewelry, and pissed-on photos of former lovers, among other things. Still smarting from being dumped? Looking for a way to dispose of a memento from a past relationship guilt-free? Bring it down to Neumo’s and have Savage do the deed for you in front of cheering others.
In other words, I am going to attend an event where people with serious issues pretend to move on with their past by exacting violence on mementos of relationships past. Yeah, clearly these are people you want to date. Personally, I prefer the tried-and-true method: collect all the ex’s shit and take it to Goodwill, smudge the space with sage, then have a drink. Possibly two, then a shag. No ex-Mormons, they’re all batshit crazy.
My point is, Happy Valentine’s Day. May your life be rich with full-length pants and devoid of former Mormons. Cheers.
Bloody hell
2008 January 21
I just received an e-mail with the line-up for Coachella 2008 and My Bloody Valentine is not on the roster. I knew I should have bought a ticket for Glasgow when I had the chance. Now I have to look for tickets in London and Manchester. In June. Swell. I might as well harvest all my organs while I’m at it since the dollar is completely worthless in value.
While I search for round-trip tickets to Manchester on Kayak my soul is being soothed by the velvety smooth melodies of Tacoma locals MONO IN VCF. I heartily recommend buying this album – a mere $9.99 – directly from the band and checking out “Death of a Spark”. The band labels their music as psychedelic pop but I beg to differ. Think Morphine meets Siouxsie Sioux, the results are springtime sexy.
$1002 for a ticket to Manchester, $992 for London. My tight white ass I’m paying those prices, I’ll just move to Europe instead.
Be like me
2007 November 04
For some strange reason, people subscribe to the feed on this here blog. God only knows why, it’s not as if I’m writing anything of substance in here. This is a whole new world! There’s no room or time for emotion! I CAN’T REFLECT ON LIFE AND BE EVERYTHING YOU WANT ME TO BE. Jesus.
Having lived in Seattle for three years, I am happy to call this city home. My company is exceeding initial expectations, and we’re already looking at office space months before we originally planned. Vinnie knows his way to Mud Bay where the staff know his mug, especially his love for all treats made entirely of meat. I’ve also met some incredible people in this city whom I’m proud to call my friends. There’s no such thing as the Seattle Freeze, you just need to hang out with adults that aren’t still playing too cool for school.
Last week I went to Re-bar with a girlfriend to watch “What’d We Done to Baby Jane?”, a terrific live-action adaption of the (cult) classic with two actresses and one actor who performed the movie verbatim. The puppets in the beginning were made with incredible detail, the costumes and make-up glorify everything camp within the film, and the performances given by the cast give you a whole new appreciation for Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. The movie has its slow moments, and the play was no exception as it kept true to every frame. The three performers did a fantastic job on stage, if anything the show was too long and should’ve kept the momentum by editing some scenes. Really, that was my only criticism of the show. And thanks to the not-even-half-assed review by Brendan Kiley, many a person will think not to bother with this show; this review deeply affects the show and its performers. This isn’t just a damn shame, it’s irresponsible “journalism”.
What was my point? Oh yeah. Brendan = too cool for school. Me = enjoying life and taking successful chances on Seattle. So don’t be like Brendan.
Tacky
2007 July 09
Microsoft Live Search Maps has a new campaign called thepushpinproject.com for local stores to display a big, inflatable red push pin sticking out from their buildings. I suppose if I had never heard of yelp, which is easier to remember and type than thepushpinproject.com, I’d be more excited about the campaign. The following error message doesn’t fill me with much confidence, either:
Consequently, trying to access the homepage by clicking on the name graphic results in 404 Not Found. All that rush to push out a campaign, and none of the QA. Huh. Hate to be the agency responsible for such lack of detail.
Support your local filmmaker
2007 June 10
Calling all Seattle residents*: my friend Drew’s movie Inlaws & Outlaws is having its theatrical premiere at the Cinerama this coming Thursday at 8pm. Then it plays for two full weeks at Uptown Cinemas in Queen Anne. If you’ve never seen this movie, it’s an awesome take on our society’s take on relationships from all walks of life.
* Every single Seattle resident should be reading this blog. Did I say Seattle? I mean everyone.
Walking In The Dark
2007 March 04
If you’re anything like me, you like to move to a city without doing any research. Sure, your hotel room was nice and within close proximity to everything located downtown, and the weather was particularly pleasant, but what about the city itself?
Enter Mercedes Yaeger, a storyteller extraordinaire who knows her history. She brings the city of Seattle to life with vibrant descriptions, colorful characters and graceful gestures. March through October is the season to embark upon her Ghost Market Tour, an hour-long stroll that presents the paranormal patrons in Pike Place Market and separates fact from fiction. For instance, it is a fact that many a ghost is known to wander the 7 acres of land that comprise Pike Market. Ghosts that will communicate with the living and correctly predict the exact date Prada’s mobile phone to arrive in the states? Fiction.